Sunday, December 19, 2010

New Year

The end of the year is coming ever closer. Tis the time to reflect on where we have been and where we are heading. It's a time full of promise and good will.
This year though I'm having trouble reflecting on the good. I should be proud of what I've accomplished. Especially this past year, but it feels tainted. I have earned my B.A. in Anthropology with a Certificate in Forensic Identification. However, my father's refusal to come to my graduation, has me wondering how much have I really done. Does he mean to punish me for daring to leave our home town. For daring to be the first in our family to get a B.A. or does he just think I didn't do anything of importance. For this insult I have not spoken or communicated with him since.
All this family drama, makes me doubt myself. May be my accomplishments don't mean a thing if my father does not see fit to celebrate them with me. This round of thinking is very self destructive. I'm aware of this, but still I cannot change. I need to learn to be happy with myself. That the opinion's of others, like my father, do not matter. This is very difficult for me.
So where does all this leave me? Well my Grandfather is dying, my father believes I am a horrible unreasonable person, and my sister thinks that I'm faking my affections for her. How does a person over come all of this? I surly do not know. So upon the new year I'm going to seek the help of a professional. May be they will be able to help me unravel all that is in my head. At least enough so I can lead a normal life without feeling guilty and anxious all the time.

For the new year, I plan on:
1. Paying off all of my credit card debt.
2. Seeking counseling
3. Figure out my life plan from here.
4. Possibly apply for Grad School
5. Possibly try and buy a house.
6. Make myself Happy

Happy New Year to everyone. Well at least to anyone who reads this.

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