This year was a good and bad year for Christmas. For the past few months my husband had been out of work and I was in a constant state of panic that we would not be able to pay our bills let alone purchase Christmas presents for our families. Then a miracle happen he finally got a job the week of Thanksgiving and the world was right again. I began to make plans for the future again and dream of a Christmas filled with presents not only for our families but for each other as well.
The tragedy struck again. My grandfather fell ill shortly after thanksgiving and was steadily going down hill. Lots and lots of family drama seeped through my life and left me bereft again.
I tried to get into the spirit, my cats even set about to help me wrap presents, but my soul was weeping.
Finally, Christmas eve came I was able to leave work early in order to go meet my sister in our home town and visit Grandpa. He was unresponsive and he didn't even know we were in the room with him.
Christmas day passed just like most others with the exception that my husband and I did not go and see my family. We'd spent time, the night before with my sister, her husband, and their kids. Christmas day was spend with my in-laws and then my Aunt came to join us in the festivities there.
Late Christmas night my husband and I drove home. Right after I had gone to sleep my sister called to tell me that Grandpa passed away. I spent the whole day yesterday in a sort of fog. One minute of clarity the next absolute denial. I tried to keep my mind busy with tasks. But I almost completely broke down when I went in to work to get some time off. I'm not prepared for these emotions and I just want to push them down and not deal with them.